Dark Grip of Iron

I hate my depression. I really do. Not that anyone loves theirs, I know this. Between that, and the way my mind works.. it's always a constant struggle once it starts. No matter the outcome, it's always a bad one for me. Either I drive people away, annoy them, get made to feel like an idiot. Whatever it may be. 

I wish I knew what it was that was wanted, and needed to quell it, if not cure it. Distractions are always nice, but, it only pushes the problem away, to come back with a vengeance at a later time, it seems. 

I love that I am, let's say odd, for lack of better terminology. I have my quirks, my interesting stories. My crazy wit at times. but, there is always that constant darkness riding in the backseat, trying to grab the wheel. Sometimes it does, and it has a grip of iron. It's one of those fights that you never know how much longer you have the strength to fight, and sometimes the idea of just giving in is so god damned appealing, it makes it that much harder to fight.

No one should ever be burdened with my darkness, and I do my best to shield those from it... very few have ever known any real extents. I feel no good would come of it to let people know that part. They aren't going to fix it, and 99% of people I know wouldn't understand it in anyway that is productive.

Funny how moods can change on such a bullshit whim. I will never fully hide who I am... it is who I will always be. I don't expect anyone to be able to deal with it, or even want to put up with it. 
I don't know what to do.