So, here's my first. No real reason to make up one of these. Hell, I could do this on myspace.. facebook, wherever. I just think, if someone spends the time to actually go here to see this, then it means something to me, at the very least.
So, rough week, yeah, as always. Most anyone who reads this will already know, but, hey, for posterity, right?
So, this Thursday, after work most likely I'll be going up to look into getting a "new" car. I have no money to do so, but, first, I'm gonna see if they can even finance me. From there, I'll talk trade in value on my current car, and see what's what. Prices at this place don't seem too bad, it'll be harder. Since I never seem to have money, to add another couple hundred in bills seems ridiculous... but, I know where my money goes....
Firstly, I don't count the bills, gas, stuff like that. No matter what, I'll be paying those. But, my biggest drains of money are food, naturally and my attempt at wooing the girl.
She says I don't have to do such things for her, which I do appreciate, and understand. But, on the flip side, if I do nothing, am I not just passively admitting defeat, or, just not trying, and letting another guy possibly slip in and take all I've worked for for so long? Not saying she's the kind of person who would leave me hanging on until she finds "something better" I've never thought that of her. But still, you know how it can be.
On another topic, that can be tied in, somewhat... my mom. Living with her is starting to depress me more and more every week. Just to see how pathetic a life she/we now have because she didn't even think, once, apparently, to plan for her future. I don't expect her to pay for me, in fact, with only a few exceptions, I've been paying most of my way for a while here.
Before my grandma died, we all lived rent free, because she, and my grandfather thought ahead, worked hard, and provided. My mom? not so much.
I'm all for helping out, where helping out is needed. But, yesterday, she came in my room, as she's doing way too fucking much, and asked if I had a couple dollars. I did have a single one on me, and maybe something in change, but, honestly, I had $20 to last until Friday at the time, combined. So, I never asked what she wanted, but, I'd assume cigarettes. Cause, you know, food? Beverage? Bills? nah, those are far more important that stupid vices.
To top it off, this morning, our first interaction, she tells me she took one of my cup o'noodles from my cabinet. Mind you, she didn't wait to ask me... which I'd almost always say OK, unless something was already planned. But, this is exactly why I've never left anything of mine outside my room, she knows this, and didn't give a shit, because she wanted soup, which she did not have, as opposed to a sandwich, eggs, etc, which she DOES have.
This is what has led me to be very bitter towards people in general. The constant lack of respect for me as a person, and my property as a whole. It truly makes me feel like I'm not a person, I have no feelings. I'm just something that has money, or material for others to take at their own whim.
So, the tie in? If I go get that car, with the more I'll be paying in bills, it'll be hard, if not completely impossible to move out, at any time, in the next couple years, if I stay at my current job, and current shit wages.
On the other hand, I can't not have a car. If I keep the money, and move out, I'll need transportation, not to mention, in the time I'm saving, I'll be completely stuck in this insipid house.
Of the two, I'd rather get the car now. I'm being very realistic in this. I'm not saying "I am getting a car this week/next week" but, I am actively looking, with intent to purchase, if possible. I was burned once, and I won't ever buy a car from some person off the street again.... just because I never trust the not knowing when the last time anything was serviced.
I think I'm done for now. Until next time....
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