So, I decided to do something a little different on here for the next few posts. Instead of just ramblings of the day, I'm thinking I'll cover specific topics. Why not? Reading my posts come across as disjointed at times, and I know why, but, maybe these will be a slightly better read.
Not that anyone reads these, of course.
So, the inaugural topic, since it is that time of year, I'm starting off with sex. Sex, love, that whole shebang.
Pun intended, naturally.
So, sex can be a complicated subject in general, but, it can be an odd one with me. Now, don't get me wrong, from what I recall of it, I'd loved it just as much as anyone else. BUT, I think between my self-image, and actual past experience, I am a bit gun shy going in for the kill.
When I was with my ex, I was made to feel like it was a bad thing. I don't believe intentionally, I fully believe it is how she was. But, you can't help but take it personally, I mean, c'mon.
Now, I'm not saying I wanted to tell everyone, and post shit, not at all. But, any little thing was such a federal case of embarrassment to her. Like I said, I'm sure it was more her insecurities, or what have you, but, there's no way in Hell I couldn't be effected by it.
So, since then, while there have been a few random girls here or there, nothing more than a night of, sometimes, fun. I say sometimes because I seem to pick the laziest girls in the fucking world! Not all, just about half of my experiences have been just plain fucking terrible. I'll cop to the last two being more my fault, but, it goes back to the general theme of my life, me being inside my own head far too often.
So, as it stands, right this moment, it's been over 2 years since, well, anything. Even the smallest nothing, let alone anything more. To top that, it's actually been over 5 years since the last time I had good sex. This among everything lse has really been a swift kick to the ego, especially in romantic circumstances.
How am I suppose to feel like any girl would be interested, when the last ones who "were" did so much damage?
I'm just at the point where I've all but given up. Not just because of life's situational comedy that is my existence, but, why the fuck should I bother putting time into you, when you're probably going to be a piece of shit like the others?
Not that anyone reads these, of course.
So, the inaugural topic, since it is that time of year, I'm starting off with sex. Sex, love, that whole shebang.
Pun intended, naturally.
So, sex can be a complicated subject in general, but, it can be an odd one with me. Now, don't get me wrong, from what I recall of it, I'd loved it just as much as anyone else. BUT, I think between my self-image, and actual past experience, I am a bit gun shy going in for the kill.
When I was with my ex, I was made to feel like it was a bad thing. I don't believe intentionally, I fully believe it is how she was. But, you can't help but take it personally, I mean, c'mon.
Now, I'm not saying I wanted to tell everyone, and post shit, not at all. But, any little thing was such a federal case of embarrassment to her. Like I said, I'm sure it was more her insecurities, or what have you, but, there's no way in Hell I couldn't be effected by it.
So, since then, while there have been a few random girls here or there, nothing more than a night of, sometimes, fun. I say sometimes because I seem to pick the laziest girls in the fucking world! Not all, just about half of my experiences have been just plain fucking terrible. I'll cop to the last two being more my fault, but, it goes back to the general theme of my life, me being inside my own head far too often.
So, as it stands, right this moment, it's been over 2 years since, well, anything. Even the smallest nothing, let alone anything more. To top that, it's actually been over 5 years since the last time I had good sex. This among everything lse has really been a swift kick to the ego, especially in romantic circumstances.
How am I suppose to feel like any girl would be interested, when the last ones who "were" did so much damage?
I'm just at the point where I've all but given up. Not just because of life's situational comedy that is my existence, but, why the fuck should I bother putting time into you, when you're probably going to be a piece of shit like the others?
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