Decisions, Decisions

As we all know by now, and have become accustomed to me stating, I don't like my job. Now, this isn't so much a rant about that, so hang in there. 

As we also know, I have had big decisions looming over me for some time now. New job, move, become a wrestler, among so many others.

So, as I sit here, here is what is going on.

Still dislike my job. I don't hate the work, itself. The work can be mind-numbing, and poses no creative challenge, most times. It's not a job, nor is it a company in which I will grow any more with. It was made obvious to me, many time, that I lack the correct length of nose to properly tickle a prostate with.

That is what it is.

So, of course finding a new job, or, hell, even figuring out WHAT to even look for is an enormous pain in my ass.

Add on to that the idea that I wanted to try my hand at becoming a wrestler. Now, look passed the fact that I'm not in great shape, as it is, and am lazy as all get out. I feel if I could get the momentum going to where I move around more, and work on getting in a little better shape, it's not out of the question. Of course that's a big if.

So, moving. I'm of the thought that someone, much like myself, can find it very hard to thrive in an area like Southern California. 

I don't want to be an actor. I don't want to be a billionaire. I hate the constant heat of the spring - mid-December, and utter lack of anything resembling rain, or actual weather patterns.

I have come to believe that my biggest issue to overcome, is the lack of caring. While I want to wrestle. I want to meet great people, have fun times, make memories,. the fact that anytime I've started things in the past, they've always left me wanting. None of it ever amounted to much of anything, you know? 

I suffer from severe lack of motivation. No matter how many times I get that lame ass "do something now or miss out" type of answer from people (which, by the way, isn't motivating, it's just stating an idea, a very generic one)

I'm trying to do the change small things, one by one idea. But, I'll tell ya, that's annoyingly bland. Some things take too long to never appear, while you have to sit and wait for processes. 

I have no real idea where to go from here. Even if I worked 40 hours every week at work, I still wouldn't be able to make much of what I get paid.

I have no desire to go back to school, because it would be for no reason. If I had something I loved, and wanted to pursue, that would lead me to a more comfortably paying job, then I would go for it, in theory. Remember, I'm lazy.

In the end, I just have a hole, that should be filled with a real dream, a drive, passion. 

I don't.