My on again, and off again relationship of blogging. Once, or twice a year won't do anymore. Looks like it's time to fire it up again.
Wish I really had anything to talk about, honestly. As life has shown, over and over again, people either don't care to engage, or, just wait until you shut up so they can talk. I'm sure that's not unique to any of us, but, sometimes you need to shut up and listen.
Life is still... life. Had a huge thing occur earlier this year. Not many know of it, and I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who knows all of the details. But, going through that showed me one thing I know I knew, but, was always able to kinda pretend.
No one really gives a shit.,
Not actively, at least.
I have a few friends from around the country, and they don't apply here, because there's only so much one can do from hundreds of miles away.
But, it's really shown me that I really don't have friends. There's.. shit, I think it's literally 1 person that I do anything with on any kind of regular outing. Even that is only movie trips. Which is fine, wish there were more movies, or I had more free cash to go to others, but it works.
But, beyond that, everyone is digital. That has really taken a severe toll on me recently. I hit up one person, trying to set up a hey, let's have a celebratory night kind of deal. a.k.a let's just go do some shit. lol. But, since it was me asking, it got blown off.
Until HE needed some "guy time" and wanted to hang out. Unfortunately that was in the midst of my 3000 consecutive day work shift (may be slightly exaggerated)
Sadly, I would have wanted to do something still, even though when I need a day out, no one has the time, but I'm supposed to jump through hoops for everyone else.
Even when I do reach out, in a very real way, needing to be "talked down from a ledge" for lack of better term, I'm just given platitudes it seems. Or someone tries to out my-life-sucks me. That's definitely a running theme in my life. The phrase "others have it much worse" somehow is supposed to cure what's wrong in your life, as opposed to it being "others have it worse, asshole, you fucking idiot" which is how it lands.
It seems no matter how deep, or real, I try to be in conversations, because I desperately need it at times.... it's glossed over. There are things I'd like to mention, to bring up to talk about. I try to lead the conversation towards that path, sometimes, but get derailed by one of the aforementioned idiosyncrasies.
So, I wonder. Am I supposed to just talk about it here? Would it be just as good as saying it to someone who's not fully invested in the conversation? The outcome would be the same, right? Theoretically at least.
Maybe I will... maybe I won't. That would be for another time. It's a very heavy subject, and it's not the time to do that, as if the no one reading this would change. lol. Sigh.
Wish I really had anything to talk about, honestly. As life has shown, over and over again, people either don't care to engage, or, just wait until you shut up so they can talk. I'm sure that's not unique to any of us, but, sometimes you need to shut up and listen.
Life is still... life. Had a huge thing occur earlier this year. Not many know of it, and I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who knows all of the details. But, going through that showed me one thing I know I knew, but, was always able to kinda pretend.
No one really gives a shit.,
Not actively, at least.
I have a few friends from around the country, and they don't apply here, because there's only so much one can do from hundreds of miles away.
But, it's really shown me that I really don't have friends. There's.. shit, I think it's literally 1 person that I do anything with on any kind of regular outing. Even that is only movie trips. Which is fine, wish there were more movies, or I had more free cash to go to others, but it works.
But, beyond that, everyone is digital. That has really taken a severe toll on me recently. I hit up one person, trying to set up a hey, let's have a celebratory night kind of deal. a.k.a let's just go do some shit. lol. But, since it was me asking, it got blown off.
Until HE needed some "guy time" and wanted to hang out. Unfortunately that was in the midst of my 3000 consecutive day work shift (may be slightly exaggerated)
Sadly, I would have wanted to do something still, even though when I need a day out, no one has the time, but I'm supposed to jump through hoops for everyone else.
Even when I do reach out, in a very real way, needing to be "talked down from a ledge" for lack of better term, I'm just given platitudes it seems. Or someone tries to out my-life-sucks me. That's definitely a running theme in my life. The phrase "others have it much worse" somehow is supposed to cure what's wrong in your life, as opposed to it being "others have it worse, asshole, you fucking idiot" which is how it lands.
It seems no matter how deep, or real, I try to be in conversations, because I desperately need it at times.... it's glossed over. There are things I'd like to mention, to bring up to talk about. I try to lead the conversation towards that path, sometimes, but get derailed by one of the aforementioned idiosyncrasies.
So, I wonder. Am I supposed to just talk about it here? Would it be just as good as saying it to someone who's not fully invested in the conversation? The outcome would be the same, right? Theoretically at least.
Maybe I will... maybe I won't. That would be for another time. It's a very heavy subject, and it's not the time to do that, as if the no one reading this would change. lol. Sigh.
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