Tuesday, August 12, 2014

The Butterfly Effect

I was hit really hard by the tragic passing of Robin Williams yesterday.

Ever since I first read about what had happened, I haven't stopped thinking about it. Minus the drug issues he battled, we shared many of the same, let's call them, "health issues."

I grew up with him on TV, in movies. He was everywhere throughout my life. He was smart, funny, successful, but, in the end, all of that really doesn't matter, it seemed.

Depression isn't just about being down, or sad. It's more like the inability to be happy, to a point at least.

I have suffered from the same affliction for decades. The most "help" anyone ever gave me were lies, or, the generic "cheer up" as if that has any sort of relevance to the situation.

Whenever you hear stories like his, and how even through all he appeared to have, and all the joy he brought tens of millions of people, in the end, there was one person who he could not reach. Himself.

So, hearing stories such as these, it always leads me to wonder one thing; How the hell am I supposed to win the battle?

Not to completely turn his tragedy into a "look at me" situation, but, I am me, and I am forced to look at me.

He had fame, and fortune. Two things I'm not particularly interested in, but, they were there because he succeeded at something he loved.

He has his own family, wife, kids, whom he undoubtedly loved, and cherished, as I'm sure they did him. On paper he had it all, it would seem. So, how does someone like me, who really has near to nothing, survive? The thing that would disturb most people whom I know, would be the question I ask myself every so often.

Do I want to survive?

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