I'm tired. So tired of all of it.
I'm tired of being disregarded as a friend, a human, a family member, just a person in general.
I find it sad that I've had to condition myself to "not care" about certain things, just to try and minimize the damage it can, and will do to me.
Those who know me know I've mentioned, at times, that no one has even tried to throw me a birthday party in, probably, 15 or so years.
I threw myself one two years in a row, only to have it stolen by a self-centered family member.
That would be bad enough, as it sits, if it weren't for the fact that there seems to be some sort of party, or gathering for any little thing for anyone else.
Hell, they don't even have to be related to us to get a party!
I'm not looking for some big blow out, but, for the love of Christ, I dated a girl for just under 8 years, who never once bothered to even try to have a small get together for me.
I never ask for much, even if I'm in dyer need of it, but, there's one day a year that you would think I'd be treated nicely, made too feel special. Right?
Far too much to ask. Far, far too much.
Now, if you know me, this would seem odd, as my birthday isn't until December. But, it's hot off the couple of recent parties. One for my ex-sister-in-laws son, who isn't the son of my brother. They have the party here. Then, one of my nieces is apparently moving, and having a kid (daughter of a half-brother I've rarely ever seen due to his criminal ways, and the girl I've not seen in, I'd say, 7-9 years by the way) At least the latter has some sort of blood relation to us.
Anyway, this all just adds fuel on the fire of why, as soon as I'm able to, I am leaving this place, and these people in my past.
I'm tired of being disregarded as a friend, a human, a family member, just a person in general.
I find it sad that I've had to condition myself to "not care" about certain things, just to try and minimize the damage it can, and will do to me.
Those who know me know I've mentioned, at times, that no one has even tried to throw me a birthday party in, probably, 15 or so years.
I threw myself one two years in a row, only to have it stolen by a self-centered family member.
That would be bad enough, as it sits, if it weren't for the fact that there seems to be some sort of party, or gathering for any little thing for anyone else.
Hell, they don't even have to be related to us to get a party!
I'm not looking for some big blow out, but, for the love of Christ, I dated a girl for just under 8 years, who never once bothered to even try to have a small get together for me.
I never ask for much, even if I'm in dyer need of it, but, there's one day a year that you would think I'd be treated nicely, made too feel special. Right?
Far too much to ask. Far, far too much.
Now, if you know me, this would seem odd, as my birthday isn't until December. But, it's hot off the couple of recent parties. One for my ex-sister-in-laws son, who isn't the son of my brother. They have the party here. Then, one of my nieces is apparently moving, and having a kid (daughter of a half-brother I've rarely ever seen due to his criminal ways, and the girl I've not seen in, I'd say, 7-9 years by the way) At least the latter has some sort of blood relation to us.
Anyway, this all just adds fuel on the fire of why, as soon as I'm able to, I am leaving this place, and these people in my past.
No comments:
Post a Comment