So.. today unceremoniously marked the beginning of year 32. What a year to forget, topped off by not much of anyone giving half a damn.
Now, going with the fact that I do nothing in life what involves friends, maybe I was naive in thinking that today would have been different than the last two months, or the next two.
But, you figure, a birthday is the one day you should get some attention, right?
I got one phone call from someone who said happy birthday, who had already texted me that as well. Two texts from family members, one of whom also showed up and said the same. Then two other people texted me the note.
Notice, only one showed up, and it wasn't actually to do anything with me, which is fine. But, yeah, Not one thing happened today, other than me sleeping, and going to 7-11.. a.k.a most any day of the year.
I seem to be the kind of guy who no one goes out of the way for. If I'm down.. ignore me. If I'm bored, make sure you constantly have other stuff to do, or, just don't answer a text.
Two years ago, I had a pretty kick ass time at a birthday party, that I threw for myself, because after years of hinting, you know, by straight saying I wanted a party. No one ever even bothered.
Last year I had another, which was bad. Just bad. I actually wished the next day I hadn't had it.
So, I decided to do nothing this year. But, as the day grew closer, I wanted to have people over/out. So, I decided, a dinner. So, the only people who showed up, were my family, whom I usually see everyday. Then one of my friends was there as well. Sure, a couple couldn't make it cause of work, that's fine. But, why can't people just say they won't make it? It courtesy really that hard, or, am I just the most amazing person in the world? I always tell people upfront, if I can't or possibly can't make it to something, I say that. Most times I'll say why too. Even if I say I'll go, then can't, I let them know.
But, not one. I sat there feeling like a big old pile of shit after about 20 minutes. Now, I don't take who came for granted but. Those are people I rarely ever go one week without seeing (as all but 3 live ion the same house, you see)
So, today. My actual birthday. I went over that list.
So, tomorrow is the party.
Mind you, it's a party at my house, but, wasn't for me. I was "allowed to add myself" to a party for my niece's friend (which is at my house, where neither of them live by the by)
So, I know of 2 people who say they're coming. There is also 2 more that made it seem like they are. 4. 31 years, and my life amounts to 4? Also, one of those 4 was coming over for the party whether it involved me or not anyway.
So, I'm planning on nothing next year. I'm tired of thinking there is something where nothing lies. Maybe if I make some decent friends at school, perhaps something with them. But, I'm just feeling too old to deal with this fucking disappointment everyday, and, on my birthday of all days as well.
